Two Week Wait

The last six days have been emotionally, and a little physically, draining. Finding out on Saturday that only two little eggs fertilised was upsetting but we picked ourselves up and carried on with Monday being our focus.

On Sunday I developed an abdominal pain which was a constant 24hr ache that lasted until about Wednesday when it started to go. I jumped back and forwards from being worried to not being worried until it disappeared throughout the day yesterday. I don't know if it had to do with my egg retrieval or perhaps a side effect of the progesterone, but either way, I'm pleased it's gone!

On Monday we had our strongest little emby put back in to its new cushy home of my uterus. I felt like I should have been lying with my legs in the air for the next 24hrs, but within minutes of it being put back in, we were at a cafe drinking hot chocolate before we both headed back to work. Our nurse did inform us that it won't fall out, but that didn't stop me holding my bladder to its full capacity before I'd allow myself to use the toilet for the first time since the transfer.

I was back on a high and feeling really good. Then on Wednesday we got the phone call to say that our second embryo back in the lab hadn't survived to freeze it. I had mixed emotions. Upset, yet not surprised. I knew if it had been frozen, then chances are it would not have made it through the defrosting process when we were ready to use it. So I guess a little part of me was relieved we got the bad news now instead of when we were counting on it because it was our only embryo left (if this one doesn't stick).

I had a good cry on the phone to mum and it's exactly what I needed to do to make myself feel better. Once it was all out, I was able to think clearly again. It's only our first cycle and if it doesn't happen this time, we'll aim for next time. In saying that, I'm still counting on the little emby in me now to make it through!

A few people have asked me if I feel pregnant or have pregnancy symptoms. The answer is no.....and yes. I'm sure it's too early to have symptoms from a pregnancy, but I definitely have some from the progesterone I'm taking. I've been feeling rather stabby the last few days as well as having zero tolerance and patience. I've gone from being sad and upset one minute, to feeling completely ok the next. It's worse than PMS. Poor Kate.

I've also had really sore boobs to the point where if they're even remotely grazed, I'm ready to throw punches. And another thing I've had the past 48hrs is a really strong sense of smell. I've had to close the vents in the car because the smell of exhaust fumes from other cars in front of me is SO strong. I've also been able to smell the dirty nappy of the toddler I nanny for before she even thinks about dirtying it!

The two week wait is going ok. Doesn't seem to be dragging like I thought it would; it's already Friday! Pretty much halfway there!

What A Week And A Half!

I guess I’ll start with the injections. We started Wednesday the 2^nd and finished Wednesday the 9^th.  One week of injections flew by! We started with Puregon each night and then on Monday the 7^th, we started Cetrotide as well. Everything was progressing really well and the needles were a breeze. I had a lot of nerves leading up to the first one, but once I knew what it felt like, I was fine with the rest. I had little side effects from the hormone injections; a bloated belly and feeling a little tired towards the end were all I seemed to have. My blood tests and ultrasounds were showing that things were looking good and I had produced some healthy looking follicles. On the 9^th, they decided to go ahead and get me to do the trigger shot which would then have me going in for egg retrieval on the Friday (yesterday). It was all moving relatively fast!

I went in for day surgery yesterday and they informed us they had retrieved 9 eggs. We were happy with that number! They told us they’d call the next day (today) and let us know how many fertilised and were still kicking along strong. Kate presented me with a lovely card telling me how brave I have been and how proud she is of me. I’m so lucky to have her. We made a trip through the McDonald’s drive-thru because I had been fasting since the night before and was STARVING and then headed home to rest. I was sore but not in any pain.

Because everything was progressing so well, I had little side effects, bloods and ultrasounds were showing good things and I was being told everything looked great and healthy, I think I developed a false sense of security.

Then we got the phone call this morning.

I assumed that out of the 9 eggs collected, we’d at least get 4-6 fertilised. This wasn’t the case. She informed us we had 2. I thought I had heard wrong and asked her to repeat it. She had an accent and mentioned something about 4 fertilising, but only 2 making it. We have 2 to work with. I was shocked. Upset. I know it only takes one, but if that one doesn’t stick, we only have one left……and that’s only if it survives the defrosting process. I had a bit of a cry, I think more-so out of shock and things not going the way I had thought they would. We talked, hugged it out and decided what will be, will be. We just need one sticky egg!

We had discussed putting both back in, but for this IVF cycle, our first time, we agreed to stick to our original plan and just do the one.

For the first time throughout this whole process, I’m actually feeling a little scared about how it will all turn out. Before that phone call this morning, I just assumed all had gone well, so all will go well…..perhaps a little naïve? Now I’m like, shit, the whole process has been great and yet we still only have 2 eggs. Anything can happen. I’m not immune to the things that can go wrong. I’m back in reality and not in the ‘that won’t happen to me’ headspace anymore.

Kate has been a trooper through it all and we’re both remaining positive that when this little egg is put back in on Monday, it will cling on for dear life. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about the next two weeks ahead of us.

First Injection from Kate’s Perspective

Up until this point I have been pretty calm and relaxed about the injections and knowing Kris’s fear of needles and I was confident that it would be no drama for me to do it.  I have to admit it surprised me how stressful I found the whole first needle experience.

I was fine when the nurse took us through it all at the clinic and even after the appointment, I was fine that day thinking about it.  That afternoon Kris had to call to get the results of her blood test and get the go ahead for us to begin the injections, but was told to hold off for one more day and commence them the following evening.

This was where I began to come undone as it gave me more time to think about it.  That night I dreamed about giving Kris her first injection which resulted in her being inconsolable. I woke up wracked with guilt and begging her to forgive my dream self.  Kris promised me she wouldn’t cry and that it would be ok.  I went off to work and felt my nerves turning up a notch with every hour that passed.

As we got closer to injection time I was so nervous and yet trying to look calm so I wouldn’t freak Kris out. I don’t think I succeeded, my shaking hands and nervous chatter may have given me away.

I got the video camera all set up, we wanted to record this moment.  Then it was time to get the injection ready.  We were kind of fumbling our way through it at this point; I let Kris get the syringe sorted, I was still trying to hide my shaking hands from her.

I have to admit this is one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life, (coming from someone who jumped out of a plane in Africa).  I was scared that it would be difficult to get the needle into the skin and that it might offer some resistance, I was scared I was going to hurt Kris and I was scared that I was going to do it wrong.

Surprisingly the needle went straight in with no resistance at all, the hardest part was trying to push the drug through the pen, as it works on a kind of dial and you have to kind of push and turn it at the same time.  But we eventually got there and Kris assured me it didn’t hurt.  As soon as it was over the adrenalin & relief kicked in and my hands really started to shake so Kris quickly took the pen off me so I couldn’t inadvertently stab one of us with it.  I felt a huge sense of relief that the first one was over and we had now conquered the unknown and I could put all of my silly doubts and worries about this part of the process out of my head.  It’s that fear of the unknown that gets my subconscious working overtime thinking up all kinds of disastrous situations.

The next night Kris was going to try to do it herself but at the last minute just couldn’t bring herself to push the needle into the skin (I don’t blame her, I don’t think I could do it to myself either).  So it was up to me, and after our first one I had already learned/realised what we could do to make it easier.  This time was a breeze, no resistance of the dial and no shaking.

I am very proud of Kris she is being a very brave human pincushion.